My husband is always full of analogies to try and help me clarify my thoughts – usually they relate to the early care of babies and young children. I’ve found an analogy of my own! Last week I was talking to an old friend who is caring for her step-granddaughter. She has never had children of her own and she said “So here I am 64, becoming a mother of a 10 year old for the first time!†We laughed!
She is one of my long time plant buddies and we have shared many cuttings, seedlings, crises, and laughs over the years. I’ve been feeding her ‘mothering’ ideas and she is very grateful and making progress in the relationship. I also reminded her that she needed to understand a little more about the first 10 years of her step-granddaughter’s life so she could learn the building blocks which did or did not go into the child’s early years.
I advised my friend to think about the child as she was planting seeds, potting on plants and fertilizing her garden ‘treasures’ during the week.
As I was preparing supper the other evening I suddenly had a flash of inspiration to send her: she really needs to think about the relationship between the early care of plants (her skill set) and the early care of young children (my skill set). Turns out they aren’t so different; we each love ‘growing’ little ones!
Here’s what I told her: imagine a plant that has never been watered or fertilized, it may or may not grow well physically depending on its genetics. Any plant that isn’t well treated, is never put in a larger pot to let its roots grow, is never planted in the ground, or rarely watered (or given too much water) will actually never live up to its full potential. It will either fall over in a storm or its limbs will break or at worst, it will dry up and die — the way I found a lovely new plant I bought only a couple of weeks ago; it was profoundly neglected by me! If I believe my own words that means I’m better with babies than with plants!
Think about how this all relates to a small child who doesn’t get well nourished emotionally and physically. Exactly how are they to ‘plant their roots’ in the world and become stable, strong and resilient human beings?
I recently saw a baby who was born in the 90th percentile on the standard growth chart and at 10 months of age was only in the 4th percentile – what had happened in those first 10 months? She seemed bright enough, alert and happy, but I have my theories. Much the same ones as I’d have if I pulled a plant out of the pot and saw it was rootbound or perhaps had no roots at all.
Neither my neglected shriveled plant nor that baby grew well enough for my liking though each had a chance at a long and healthy life. Something can probably be done to improve the developmental trajectory of the child, but not without considerable consistent effort……and time. I feel sure she will at least survive since she is part of a loving family. My lovely plant on the other hand shows no sign of life!
It’s easy to survive the loss of a plant — regrettably I’ve had a few of those but if I wanted I could buy another one and try again. If I failed to ensure a child was growing well the pain and anguish would probably last a lifetime — children are irreplaceable.