What makes some parents better than others? Why are some babies and young children so ‘together’? Just exactly what makes the difference in one child over another, regardless of socio-economic status? May I tell you? It is important to note that what social scientists have long referred to as ‘socio-economic factors’ (in other words, you come from a poor or impoverished household) no longer applies to a high percentage of cases of failure to thrive or developmental delays.
In my daily work in a school with the babies and young children from very affluent households an extremely high percentage of children suffer from some form of failure to thrive. Physically, emotionally, linguistically or any of the other variants of developmental delays.
I expect you are astonished. However, what now astonishes me is meeting a parent who ‘gets it’ as far as their child’s development is concerned. A parent like that is such a rare commodity that I am now referring to them as a ‘therapeutic parent’.
They understand their child and their obligations to their child. This baby or toddler isn’t just an accoutrement to their successful status; their baby is a human part of their family.
The therapeutic parent is contented to be at home with their baby after a hard day’s work. They don’t need babysitters every week to have ‘me’ time.
Contrast that form of care with the baby or older child with multiple nannies (often supposedly bilingual but usually monolingual and not in the language of their child’s daycare) and a litany of babysitters.
Imagine a new parent putting their child into daycare and their first question is: “Does anyone babysit?” What exactly do they mean by ‘anyone’? They mean whichever living body is willing to come to their house, almost no matter what it costs!
The therapeutic parent seems happier with their new found family life. The baby is a natural part of their non-working hours and in no way a nuisance or an intrusion.
A non-therapeutic parent might also prop their child in a babyseat, a playpen surrounded with soft toys — allows for a soft landfall when a baby who can’t sit up is propped up BUT also handicaps the baby at the very time he should be squirming around and finding out how to move! We have one of those in our care right now – jelly legs, floppy head, overweight, debatable eye contact, borderline ‘easy-to-manage’ – all terrible developmental signs at 7 months of age!
This doesn’t make his parents terrible people. I know they love him very much (although the father loves his cat more, says the mother!). My surmise is that this mother was the one in the marriage who decided she wanted a baby and that’s what she got!
I don’t believe many fathers are in on the ‘decision making’ of having a baby, they just think they’re having sex as usual!
Such babies aren’t born to therapeutic households and as a result they ALWAYS show developmental delays. ALWAYS, ALWAYS!
I would love to make more parents aware of the need for being therapeutic towards their babies and young children. It isn’t enough to love them – everyone says they love their children. It’s just that some forms of loving are so developmentally appropriate and afford such a fine trajectory of development I find it disturbing to find the opposite more often than not!