It just seems to me that those people who are the most resilient in life have somehow had good solid underpinnings from birth onwards. I can really start with my own family. I see my adult children as very resilient and I feel certain that the start we gave them enabled them to have a strong foundation of resilience when under duress, along with a multitude of other strengths. My father had the same qualities despite losing his father when he had barely started his own adult life.
In the same way I now understand that it was my own childhood in England that has given me the strength to survive the adversity of the past 38 years living in America! Despite the failings I now see from my early years, largely a result of the education system I was part of from age 4 and the lack of parental involvement which was accepted at that time, I seem to have a resilience that many others don’t have.
When I get to know people who are either resilient under duress or who seem to spiral downwards in a state of depression at the least little glitch in life, the pattern becomes very clear to me.
Those who aren’t resilient didn’t have the solid family underpinnings I realise I was fortunate to have. They have just muddled along, probably always searching for something solid in life. Many have already tried drugs, alcohol, even multiple spouses in some cases! Most of them think a spouse will fix something; women feel that at least being married will give them the feeling of belonging as their large and dysfunctional family gathers for the wedding ‘festivities’ (usually a mirror image of whatever they’ve seen on TV!). Then of course ‘a baby’ becomes their next goal to ‘fix’ their life; and on it goes.
Those with resilient personalities overcome enormous odds in bring up their children alone or surviving longer than expected with life threatening conditions. With the strength of my sons I have enabled my less resilient husband to survive against all odds.
Unless individuals recognise the missing underpinnings in their own lives they won’t be able to equip the next generation to be functional and resilient members of society.
I’ve read about ‘filling up a baby’ with love and kindness and I really believe it works. All the non-resilient people I’ve met never had that benefit in life and they cannot fill up their babies or spouses, nor of course themselves. They simply have never learned a healthy way to care for themselves or those they profess to love.
I’m now starting to ‘flag’ the melodramatic people I meet – usually parents of children I care for, sometimes friends, acquaintances or colleagues. They reflect a life of melodrama! I doubt they will recover from the melodrama of their early years.
Unless, as parents and carers, we can fill up babies and toddlers with loving care they will not be resilient in school or in their adult lives.
We are actually creating a crippled society just like some members of the generation that came before. When will we learn?
What’s your personality? Resilient or drama queen/king?