The conversation that’s ringing in my ears was one I had in January with my dear friend in Nebraska. She was relating that one of her grandchildren had come down with chicken pox (despite the vaccination!) and that since her health was so vulnerable (pancreatic cancer) she couldn’t be around him.
She also recalled that her youngest son “sat on my hip for 2 weeks” when he had chicken pox at age 3. This comes from a single mother of 5 (count them!). I know she worked and juggled finances all the years she was bringing up her children. They have turned into wonderful and tremendously caring people.
The son that was on her hip for 2 weeks (how did she find time to do that?) was later the son who needed to ‘explore’ the inner workings of a variety of appliances! He was allowed to do that on the kitchen table. He has become successful in the computer world.
Yet another son has worked in the nursery of his local parks department and is now a union representative but what most people won’t know about him is that when his grandmother (my friend’s mother) was in a nursing home and there was no one to change her and clean her – he did it! How much more caring could anyone be?
These are just two examples of when a parent, a mother in particular and against the odds, understands the needs of her children they can really become awesome individuals.
What is most apparent about my friend’s five children is the amount of caring they put into each other and their spouses – but in the most natural way imaginable. I have been a privileged recipient of their low key hospitality. I was simply treated like family. What an honour!
Which goes to the book I was fortunate enough to buy during my November trip to Nebraska.
‘Winnicott on the Child’ by Donald Winnicott. (1896–1974) A British pediatrician and psychoanalyst with a particular focus on child development. The introductions to each section are by Benjamin Spock, T. Berry Brazelton and Stanley Greenspan, three of the most influential US baby and childcare specialists (Men! Where are the women of influence?) of the 20th and 21st centuries.
Winnicott refers frequently to “the ordinary good enough mother” being the reason children grow up without developmental delays.
It behoves us all (men and women!) to read this book.
The book reminds me of the work I have done, instinctively and through constantly reading and learning, with my own and other children, but most of all how much misunderstanding of natural child development there is amongst some of some of my colleagues in the daycare environment. More recently I have worked with other young women who have such a wonderful instinct for caring for any child!
We all simply need to start understanding children’s true needs.