I always knew there had to be other people around who thought like me about living creatures and last month I found one of them.
One of those people is Monty Roberts. The author of ‘The Man Who Listens to Horses’. The book I alluded to in my last post.
You may know of him as the person about whom the book and film ‘The Horse Whisperer’ was based. But the film and novel are nothing compared to reading about his real life. Wow!
Monty Roberts understands so clearly what it is that makes horses tick. Of course he has developed his expertise over nearly 60 years; I’ve only had 30+ with young children. He is a true inspiration and has followed his passion since he was very young, despite his father having very strong opinions to the contrary.
I am inspired to write my book; Monty Roberts has given me faith in what I do.
There is no doubt that with horses (or children) ‘violence isn’t the answer’. Monty saw how horses were literally ‘broken’ by trainers before being built back up to become controllable.
I believe 20th and 21st century early childhood development methods have had the same effect on young children. I have seen many children that parents are trying to ‘break’ in order to control them.
Somehow the words that are taught in college and espoused by those in the business of teaching very young children belie their actual behaviour in the classroom.
It is the ‘in the classroom’ part that has pained me in the past year. Prior to that it was what I observed from inside a family’s home – in many cases the behaviour of parents and family members towards their ‘prized possessions’ (their babies and young children) was awful! In virtually every family I found at least one of their children had developmental delays.
I’ve just heard of another family with one child with a speech delay and the other with dyslexia – the mother seems wonderful (I never saw her interacting with her children, only in her professional environment) but she had an active career from the day each of her three babies was born. She has finally decided to cut back on her work hours and spend more time with her children – but they are at school now, with their problems, and she left their early care to her ‘nanny’.
Only true, professionally trained nannies understand what babies and young children need. Parents seldom value an excellent cargiver. It is so easy to employ (cheaply and for a brief period of time) a so-called nanny from another country.
As I recently heard, a friend’s 18 year old daughter left her home country for England – for the experience you understand? Of course she was homesick. She found a job for a few months as a ‘nanny’ in London to infant twins and a slightly older child – it was very challenging to say the least. She had no previous experience. What was the children’s mother thinking? Cheap!
The 18 year old went back to her home country after the ‘experience’ (maybe 6 months). Nobody thinks about what it might have done to the children she was caring for! Where was the continuity of care?
More recently the loving caregiver of two girls, who has helped raise them for 7 years, has found her hours shortened each week by the parents, with no comment from them. The family isn’t facing the fact that they need to let her go – due to finances or just because they think that at 14 and 11 the girls are able to take care of themselves.
The youngest child, who was just diagnosed with diabetes, is already devastated because of spending fewer hours with her carer and friend. What will she be like when nearly all contact ends?
Do the parents care – NO!!
Which takes me back to Monty Roberts – he really cares about his horses. What he strives for with the horses he trains is that they should want to work with him.
He can read them so well now that he can give a blow-by-blow account as he is gently breaking in the horse. He really understands the nuances of horse behaviour from years of studying them in the wild.
What I find in the institutional setting with young children is that when one is working with adults who are instinctive about caring for the children everything works really well, there is no yelling and screaming because neither the adults nor the children are stressed — even on a tough day.
All it takes is one manipulative and uncaring person to disrupt that smooth operation. I’m sure the same applies to being around horses.
I have worked with both sorts of people. Children only become hysterical when the manipulative adult they are addicted to (note: I use the word ‘addicted’ and not ‘attached’ because ‘addicted’ implies an unhealthy connection) leaves the room. When calmer adults leave the room and explain where they are going the same children are comfortable in the care of the adults they are left with – no crisis ensues.
I have become aware of my own effect on young children particularly when I enter the classroom once the day has been underway. What I usually do is take the hand of the most tearful (and therefore the most disruptive!) child and say “let’s find a book to read”. That child is immediately reassured, comfortably sits with me and no sooner have I started reading than two or three others gather and sit with us – it works every time!
Thus the level of noise is immediately reduced and the other caring adults can work with the rest of the children or whatever other responsibilities they have at that moment. It literally ‘breaks the spell’ of whatever has made even one child feel very stressed.
Going with the flow and following the child’s needs takes time and intuition but works every time. It also makes the children much more cooperative in the long run — just like gently broken horses.
Thanks Monty, you’re an inspiration!