The next 26:

27. Nev­er be aware of nois­es that star­tle your infant/toddler/child.

28. Nev­er do any­thing about nois­es that startle.

29. Be impul­sive for your own needs, nev­er your child’s.

30. Always sat­is­fy your needs and guilt before your child’s needs.

31. Spend as much time away from your child as pos­si­ble; be it for work, the spa or week­ends away.

32. Nev­er ensure that your house is clean and filled with plen­ti­ful foods for your chil­dren at the begin­ning of your workweek.

33. Do not do a dou­ble check on the func­tion­al­i­ty of ‘tools’, like pushchairs (strollers) or bicy­cles, need­ed by your child and the caregiver.

34. Nev­er make it your job to dou­ble check on the safe­ty or appro­pri­ate­ness of a child’s bike i.e. do ped­als fall off, is the seat straight or low enough for child to ride, are train­ing wheels aligned for safety?

35. Nev­er think about how much time you don’t spend one-on-one with your children.

36. Always have ‘experts’ attend to your child’s spe­cial needs, nev­er attempt to learn what you can do for your child.

37. Nev­er be will­ing to learn how to change your own ways and habits to make life bet­ter for your child and eas­i­er on your family.

38. Com­bine your fit­ness regime with your child’s by leav­ing them at the gym nurs­ery while you work out — make sure that they cry when you leave them in the care of the stranger who runs the gym nursery.

39. Have plen­ty of junk food and snacks around and, when you are home, allow your chil­dren fre­quent snacks no mat­ter which meal is imminent.

40. Let your chil­dren go to bed late and sleep late in the morn­ing, for your con­ve­nience only.

41. Refuse to let your child nap for long peri­ods, even when s/he is exhaust­ed, if it doesn’t suit your purposes.

42. Don’t keep a reg­u­lar sched­ule for meals.

43. Nev­er take a child to vis­it a pre-school or intro­duce them to a new care­giv­er pri­or to the day they will start in the new situation.

44. Nev­er keep your house well lit by sun­light or arti­fi­cial light.

45. Keep all your children’s toys in their bedrooms.

46. Do not allow toys to be around fam­i­ly areas, if they are please make sure they are well hid­den in ‘toy box­es’ that look like pieces of furniture.

47. Nev­er gath­er up sets of blocks or pieces of puz­zles and keep each set of pieces in one con­tain­er with the rel­e­vant board or instruc­tions – if you do that your child might even­tu­al­ly play with them and actu­al­ly use them pur­pose­ful­ly or maybe even enjoy shar­ing them with a sibling!

48. Don’t leave spare dia­pers and wipes vis­i­ble to the care­giv­er when you go out.

49. Push or pull your tod­dler in a wag­on when you go for a walk.

50. Make sure your infant ‘cries it out’ every day.

51. Keep the vol­ume so low on the TV that no one can hear it, least of all your child, that way your child must learn to speak just from ‘lip read­ing’ pup­pets and car­toon characters.

52. Always speak to your child in the ‘perfect mother/teacher’ monot­o­ne, wood­en, emo­tion­less voice.

The list goes on.