I am paraphrasing the biblical admonition to ‘teach a man to fish and…’
When we don’t consciously work on teaching our children, any child, to speak we are depriving them of life itself. A child who can speak well can accomplish more than a child who reads well – I know. I was a child who could read ‘well’ and early and I probably started to speak early, as a first-born. But my ability to communicate verbally was hampered from before my first days in school until this day.
I have developed some ability to write in later years but I wasn’t any good at it in my school years. Words simply didn’t come easily to me despite my ability to apparently read ‘well’. I work hard all the time with my oral communication and am not always successful.
Yesterday I was in the company of a beloved 30-something Down’s Syndrome friend. We have a warm family relationship with this young man. His late mother worked so hard in order that both her children, her Down’s son and her gifted daughter, had the best and fairest opportunities at school. Both have done exceptionally well, to the very best of their abilities.
My friend’s understanding of language, values and ideas is remarkable. In his own way he too is gifted. But the biggest struggle I have is tuning into his speech pattern. It takes me a while to comprehend what he’s talking about – he always understands what I’m saying and his comments are always relevant and are often humourous!!
This remarkable young man would have benefited so much from intense speech therapy. I think because his parents and teachers were so tuned into his brain and his speech pattern they overlooked the need for clarity of speech to the outside world. Especially with Down’s, a clarity of speech would reduce the initial, and often incorrect, presupposition of severe mental limitations.
I’ve been privileged to know three Down’s adults and their families. The ‘children’ are respectively in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. They communicate so well and love to talk to people but only one has a clarity of speech that makes it easy to understand her.
By the same token I’ve been in the company of gifted children who talk almost too much in social situations. Parents allow their 11 year olds to hold forth extensively in adult company. I accept that a child may have a wonderful command of the language, all-important with bright children, but there has to be the social balance and it has to be taught by the parents.
Learning to speak cannot and should not happen by accident (as it all too frequently does, and ‘late’ to boot) and it certainly won’t happen as long as we leave toddlers in front of TV, DVD’s and other computer related programmes and expect that they will learn to speak the language from such mechanical, dehumanized, unemotional ‘voices’.
Learning to communicate happens from the earliest days. We learn that the world is hospitable, or not. If we are in a hospitable environment we will communicate with those around us – smiles, gurgles etc. When that environment is stunted by poor caregiving, mediocre caregiving, caregiving in a centre or group setting, children suffer deprivation that often won’t be apparent until the child attends formal schooling at age 5.
Parents and adults around young children need to start to take very seriously their responsibilities for teaching a child to speak. Children are being deprived of their natural born right to communicate and as a result we have come to accept ‘temper tantrums’.
‘Temper tantrums’ are simply the result of parents and other adults losing interest in a child’s growth and development. It’s that simple. The novelty of the infant has gone and now a real human being needs to be consciously worked with – parents don’t have that much energy or inclination to forgo their own needs and the child becomes frustrated – and, drum roll please…the child has a tantrum.
Trust me (yes I’m shouting again!):
PARENTAL (AND CAREGIVER) NEGLECT CAUSES TEMPER TANTRUMS
If we consciously work every day to encourage our children to speak clearly we reduce everyone’s level of frustration.
Teach a child to speak!